Rules For Healthy Parenting

Rules For Healthy Parenting

Learning To Strike A Balance

Parenting is a process with plenty of different styles of ‘management’ and the modern parent is particularly under a lot of pressure, as every parenting book written post 1990, speaks about the involvement and the importance of being around for the child. And mothers being the principle mentors find striking a balance of ‘over involvement’ and allowing for independence, a difficult proposition, Over involvement can lead to being over attached and this is where the danger lies. Well meaning or otherwise, this over attachment does not promote growth or independence, which is critical for child development and the nurturing of a healthy adult.

Get Rid Of Conflicting Expectations

Children, as nature intended them to be, go through different development stages – from not wanting to leave the mother’s hand when they first walk into school, to locking themselves up in their room by the age of ten. There is a need to fight for their own space depending on their growth pattern and the one most affected with this process are the parents who have not really changed and continue to have the same expectations of his/her child. Mismatched expectations often cause more challenges, making it difficult to bridge the gap. unless both take a step forward. As adults with more wisdom, the responsibility therefore lies with the parents.

Encourage Independence

Over attachment creates a prison-like scenario for the child. Young parents layer their children with protective gear and equipment in a bid to avoid the child from getting hurt. However, sometimes falling down and getting up independently, without the drama is more important than not falling at all because lite lessons cannot be learnt through iPad stimulation and hence, must be experienced.

Parents who exercise this over attachment, often deal with their own insecurity, control issues and often children growing up in this kind of environment, demonstrate signs of insecurity, low self- esteem and inability to plan their own path. In extreme cases, they get rebellious. Over attachment comes from a natural protective Instinct but unfortunately, it becomes a chain around the child’s legs, that don’t allow him! her to run when ready.

Adopt A Democratic Approach

Anything in extreme creates an imbalance and evokes extreme reactions, which leads to other problems. While the parents remain constant in their expectations, children go through their own cycle of change. Thus, it is worthwhile to explore a more democratic approach to parenting, whereby you work with your child’s needs. Practice the golden rule of allowing them to explore and make mistakes and to take their own decisions. This leads to a healthier child parent relationship, opens up communication and makes room for the acceptance of the fact, that a parent can also go wrong and so can a child.

Understanding Why Children Inherit Intelligence From Their Mothers

Intelligence determines a child’s ability to do well in studies, as well as in several extracurricular activities. It would thus not be unfair to conclude that intelligence is directly linked to a child’s overall success in life. Children inherit several traits and features from their parents and these include memory, intelligence, skin colour, colour of the eyes, height, tendency to be obese, etc. and out of these traits, memory and intelligence is definitely the most important for a child.

The ‘X’ Factor

It would be good to know which parent is responsible for a child’s intelligence. It the child’s mother or the child’s father? Several research studies point to the tact that children’s intelligence is acquired mostly from their mothers. Intelligence genes are present in the X chromosomes and women have two of these chromosomes (as compared to men who only have one X chromosome). Therefore, it is more likely that intelligence is inherited from the mother of the child and not the lather. Moreover, genes for advanced cognitive functions that are inherited from the father, may get automatically deactivated.

Maternal And Paternal Genes

In experiments conducted on mice, researchers found that mice with extra paternal genes developed smaller brains and larger bodies, whereas those with extra maternal genes. had bigger brains and smaller bodies. Moreover, cells with paternal genes got accumulated in the limbic cortex of the brain (involved in sex, food and aggression), whereas cells with maternal genes accumulated in the cerebral cortex (involved in higher cognitive functions, memory and intelligence).

Best Indicator Of Intelligence

Since humans are not the same as mice, a research was conducted in the mid-90s on 12,686 humans between the ages of 14 and 24. Several factors like economic status, education, race, etc. were studied, which could affect intelligence. Researchers found that the best indicator of intelligence was the mother’s IQ.

Secure Emotional Bond Is Vital

Intelligence does not fully depend on the genes and environmental factors too, do play a role. However, mothers play a role here too! A secure emotional bond between a mother and child helps grow specific parts of the brain better, At a research conducted at University of Washington, it was found that children who shared a strong emotional bond with their mother had 10 per cent of a larger hippocampus, as compared to those children whose mothers were emotionally detached. Hippocampus is the part of the brain Which is involved in memory.

Mothers also typically spend more time with children as compared to the fathers. Therefore, they are involved in day-to-day activities of children more often than the fathers. Also, it is well known that smart mothers raise smart children. In conclusion, it is fair to say that a child’s intelligence largely depends on the mother – be it genetic factors or environmental influences.

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